It's been a while. Not too long, but long enough.

Ugh, I spent a lot of money lately. I went to a training course which work paid for, but then they offered these books on CD that I wanted, and another training CD thing. I hate myself, I love getting anything that teaches you something. Then this past weekend Michael and I went to Costco, something we needed to do, but I can never leave that place having spent less than $300. THEN Bob's was having one of those 30% off Friends & Family nights - Michael's dad works for Bob's Stores and gets the invitations, so we go just about every one. It's totally worth it. Michael needed new clothes for his job (yay!) and I really needed new socks. Well, maybe not that bad, but bad enough. He got nice khakis and business casual shirts, I got sports socks, hiking socks, lounging socks, flannel jammie pants with polar bears on them, cotton jammies with monkeys on them, a polarfleece blanket, some polarfleece hiking socks, some socks that have little pockets for your toes (like gloves, only on your feeties). Yeah, socks was the recurring theme. They also had NICE Columbia winter jackets with the zip-out polarfleece lining, and $189 with an additional 30% off is a really good deal. The only problem is that Columbia makes all women's jackets that don't look like soccer mom coats out of pastel and "softened" colors. I hate pastels. I look awful in powdery orange. I look great in bright, bold, annoying orange. So no new jacket for me. All I have is this gargantuan LLBean coat I got a couple of years back - it's warm, it's nice, but it makes me look like a librarian. Not at all tres chic.

So aside from that, I'm still broke. But on the bright side, all of my bills and Michael's bills are paid for the month, the kitchen is full of food, and I have acres of new socks.

We're talking about me getting a new car! Hooray! This will obviously have to wait until Michael gets a few paychecks under his belt (he gets paid bi-weekly, yecch) and we make a payment schedule for our remaining debt. As long as the Escort can hang in there, I'll be just fine. I'm eyeing the 2002 Golf, though...mmm...Golf...

I suggested to a group of friends I talk to online that we start a book circle - we give recommendations for books we've read, we read the same book and talk about it as we go, things like that. Things that totally turn my crank. I am very excited about this prospect and I'm even considering setting something up on this domain for it.

On top of that, I started thinking about writing. I write so much, yet I feel sometimes that I'm just writing to fill the screen. Sometimes that is necessary. But I feel that I'm repeating the same motions over and over and not really developing anything. So I did some searching online for a plain old workbook. Something with big, blank pages and a little topic at the top - "Write about (this)." Then I do. Whether I want to or not. Then I got thinking about getting a bunch of like-minded people together, and giving all of us one assignment a week (or so). We write, we post it online, we talk about each others' work. I think that would be really cool.

I found a free message board app that I want to play around with. Perhaps I will put something useful on blackmarketchinchillas.com after all!

Memory is so very, very cheap right now. I didn't realize just how cheap until this training course I took. I did some seeking online and found 512MB of memory for $44. Wow! Well, that turned out to be a mistake as the company was crappy and sent me memory that wasn't packaged correctly and better yet didn't work. I ended up spending a little more, $60 or so, and got memory from a Micron distributor, Crucial Technologies. I ordered the memory at 7:30pm on a Friday, and received it Monday morning. They don't charge for shipping, and the memory came very well packed and was brand new. I snapped it in to my motherboard and it worked on the first try. Booyah! Now I just need to get my $50 back from that other crappy vendor (M-TECH, yecch).

My machine is so much faster now! It started out with 128MB of RAM, and after about 30 minutes using a graphics-intensive program, it would start to lock up and seize pretty badly. I was pissed because I have a decent video card. Since getting the additional memory, my machine has had no problems. Works like a charm. Again, the guy at my training course pointed out that WinME really needs at LEAST 256MB RAM to run properly. Dell ships the machine with 128MB. Of course, I'm glad I didn't buy more to start with as Dell charges insane amounts for their memory.

What to do with that extra memory stick, now? I don't know. Use it as a bookmark, perhaps?

What a strange week it has been.

First, I ended up working an insane number of hours. There was a project thought up on Friday having to do with water security in light of the recent terrorist attacks, and I have to admit the guys here came up with a really stellar idea. We're going to hold a conference, free of charge, and inviting a whole bunch of important people - the President and various Congressmen being the top of the list. We're getting a whole mess of great speakers to come and talk about security and emegency response plans. The goal was to get 250 people definitely signed up in order to make this a go.

This weekend I came in and the concept wasn't complete until Sunday evening - I ended up pulling an all-nighter working on the site, and then stayed at work until 9:30 Monday evening. All in all I worked 32 hours straight, and I think it's the hardest I've ever worked. The website came out great. I am very proud of the work Jim (our graphic designer) and I did, we pulled this website out of the air in a day and a half, not too shabby.

So though I was utterly exhausted, I also felt triumphant - I accomplished something that I wasn't aware I could do, and I did it well. I hope this reflects well upon me come yearly bonus and raise time. Keeping my fingers crossed. It also illustrated to me that I can really do anything I want once I put my mind to it.

The site itself has been humming right along - as of Friday afternoon we have about 300 people signed up. I am very pleased with this. A lot of them are international, too, which is very exciting as they are willing to travel all the way to Hartford, CT for this conference. Awesome. I hope we can do something good for everyone.

Tuesday and Wednesday I attended Access 2000 training here in Waterbury. It was a really basic course, and I'm signed up for an intermediate course in December to follow up. However, it was really great getting some formal training on databases - I found that I already know much, much more than I give myself credit for. It is a very heady and empowering feeling. I'm trying to make myself more diverse so that I will always have a job doing something I like to do. At the moment I'm a writer, editor, photographer, graphic designer, web developer, database engineer, quality assurance software tester, marketer, public relations, and aspiring programmer. Not to mention I can bake anything from scratch, and give an excellent backrub.

I never did get to talk to John - with my schedule I never had a chance to see him, and he returned to the Bahamas on Wednesday. Oh well. I'll hold out hope that the holiday season will be good to me as far as my compensation goes, and if he's in town and wants to talk to me, I'll discuss getting an office with windows with him. It sucks being stuck in this hole, and I know for a fact that I can get 100% more work done if I am not being distracted all the time. I get so much work done at night when everyone else has already gone home. I wish I could get a cable modem, I'd petition to telecommute.

My car has been making some horrible noises, too. On Tuesday I drove to training and all was just fine, but getting in my car that afternoon it started sounding really loud and I could feel the vibration coming up through the gas pedal. Everything in the car was buzzing, the vibration was so intense. Then it started coughing and stalling in the parking garage, which was most unsettling. I had noticed in recent weeks that if I drove with the window open, I could smell a really noxious, poisonous odor coming from the car - sort of akin to brake fluid burning, but not quite the same.

I have a sneaky suspicion that Esc isn't going to last much longer. He's been a really good car, though, the best. People are always amazed when I tell them that Esc is my first car - he is, I got him when I was 15 (my grandfather willed him to me) and I've driven him since then. That's twelve years. Twelve years of no car payments, very very low insurance rates, and only the occasional repair. I will concede that Esc's repairs were pretty gargantuan when they did occur, however - three alternators, one head gasket, one transmission, one bumper, one front fender, one headlight assembly, one rear fender, one windshield, three side windows, countless jump-starts, a thousand oil changes and tuneups in twelve years is a paltry price to pay, in my opinion. I replaced the bumper and front fender myself after I was hit by a guy with a 2 x 4 for a front bumper. I learned how to jump-start my battery, replace my battery, replace lightbulbs and air filters and how to use a crayon to wax up the inside of the alternator belt to make it stick and stop squealing in cold weather. That car is my formative years made of metal and plastic. That car has been through all my moves, has been stolen once and broken into thrice. He has battle scars. Once Esc finally kicks the rusty old bucket, I am not going to revive him to vroom along another day. Pass quietly into that good night, old friend. You've earned your rest.

The point of that trip down Nostalgia Parkway was to say that Esc is pretty messed up. He's a 1988 Ford Escort Pony, which means nothing is included, nothing is automatic. He's the bare-bones version of a compact car. The coolest thing about him, though, is that he's a hatchback. Hatchbacks are hands-down the best cars ever, you can carry ANYTHING in them. Michael has a 1994 Saturn SL-1. which is a nice passenger car, but you can't fit anything in it that's larger than the trunk. Esc, though, Esc has moved me all over the place, I recently amazed my friends by fitting a dining room table and four chairs into that car.

My next car, I've decided, must be a hatchback. I've always been very fond of the Volkswagen Golf, so I've been looking at the new 2002 models. I considered getting a used car, but being the paranoid type I would be worried about getting a lemon from some unscrupulous person trying to make a fast buck. Cost be damned, a new car it is.

So with Michael being out of work the last 4 1/2 months or so, money has been tight. It has been a very good exercise in living frugally for me, though, one which I am glad about to a certain extent. I've been working very crazy hours to continue to pay rent and all the bills, and while the yoke of this responsibility is something I do not begrudge taking, the last few weeks have seen me getting more despondent and depressed. I know that this pace is wearing on me badly.

Tuesday, Michael tells me that he talked to a potential employer in Stamford, and that they want to have him in for an interview on Friday. I try not to get my hopes up too much, as I couldn't face getting excited about Michael finally getting another job only to have it fall through. I can't help thinking about being able to go home at 6:00, being able to relax and not have to worry about racking up overtime in order to pay the bills. I can't help thinking about a new car, about being able to get Christmas presents for everyone, about going on a well-deserved vacation. I try not to think about it.

Michael's interview was at 11:00 today. I sent him some database files that he had created here at work and waited. And waited. He didn't call me until 3:00, and he was elated - the job is perfect. They gave him an offer on the spot. It's a little far commute-wise, but he is so thrilled with what he'd be doing and how well he fits the requirements. There are some final formalities that the employer has to go through to get him approved, but they told him that they were not even going to call back the three or four people they had resumes for. Barring some really weird circumstances, Michael has the job.

I am so amazingly relieved.

I was reminded of the play Equus today and it then reminded me of when I was in this production. I was in high school, but our high school certainly wasn't promoting this play (ha!) - I was a part of an independent theatre company. I got pulled into the play rather by mistake. One night I was at Denny's (in my hometown, every road led to Denny's, it was the center of the universe, had bottomless coffee for 80 cents and was conveniently placed right down the hill from the high school) and ran into an acquaintance who was at the pay phone making a call. I think I was on my way to the restroom.

I remember having a crush on this guy named Flint (somehow I thought Flint was such a dashing and sexy name) and, still having some vestiges of warmth in my loins for who I thought Flint was, I was more than happy to trot over when he gestured excitedly to me.

"Jen - hi! It's so nice to see you!" he said, as he put his arms around me to hug me (bliss!).
"H-hi, Flint, yeah, it's been a long time," I replied, hoping that he would keep hugging me, his arms protecting me from the chill wind that swept through the door as a patron exited.

He told me that he and some friends were working on a play, but that the person who had committed herself to play Hester Salomon had backed out at the last minute - the play was already in rehearsal and to be presented in a scant month. Was I interested in filling in? Was I! I was flattered and a little excited to have been singled out by this dashing (older) man.

Of course, in years since then, I started to realize that Flint was nothing more than a 24-year old guy who liked high school girls, which is kind of creepy. I remember him dating a friend of mine and her mom let him live in her house. Hmm, talk about weird. Anyway...

I met the rest of the crew, and other than Flint I knew one person. That one person I knew was a total bitch and I didn't like anyway, so I hardly talked to her. I think her name was Julie. She was one of the random horses.

I remember not really understanding what the play was all about (I was very naive in those days, and new concepts boggled me. I feel that I am much better equipped to deal with the weird and the uncommon now that I'm *gasp* older. Funny how that happens.) but being very excited to get to be in something I thought was pretty significant.

We built our stage-in-the-round in the gymnasium of the Rocking Horse Childcare Center in Lewiston, Maine. We were going to pay the center with the profits from the play, and of course Rocking Horse was perfect to go with the subject of the play. The content wasn't really family related, though. Heh. I remember one whole weekend spent listening to the soundtrack from Rocky Horror Picture Show and nailing sets together.

Rehearsals were pretty much a blur for me, as the rest of the cast had already had a lot more time to memorize lines and block out scenes than I did. I just prayed that I'd be able to remember everything I had to say.

Opening night, we were struck with the largest blizzard that had been seen in a decade. Our crowd was much smaller than expected, about 40, and of course we're talking about Maine folks. I think they were...well...perplexed by the whole thing.

Louis, the kid playing Alan, was uncomfortable flapping his weenie in front of a bunch of strangers (and our families, of course) so opted to wear a pair of boxer shorts for the Alan-Nugget scene. He didn't have a pin, however, and so was forced to resort to stapling his fly shut for the performance.

The performance went pretty well, I forgot one line and had to be prompted by the guy who played Dysart (he turned out to be a HUGE jerkoff). During Louis' most intense scene, he's standing with his back against Nugget the horse (played by some really tall guy whose name I forget - he was very attractive, I do remember that) with his arms up around Nugget's neck. Suddenly the staples gave way and Louis' little louis popped out of the fly of his boxers. All of us sitting in chairs around the stage stifled a giggle and the teenage girl in front row center gasped, her eyes as big as dinner plates.

This was Maine, after all, in the middle of winter. Our artsiest folks iron their jeans and wear their best John Deere cap when attending a theatre premiere.

The yield from our first performance was poor and the Rocking Horse Childcare Center finally got a gander at what the play was about, so there was no second performance. I think they really hated us.

Last month when I was in Maine I drove by the Rocking Horse Childcare Center, which is surprisingly still in business, and chuckled.

I didn't talk to John yesterday. He came in to the office in a very foul mood, and I had no desire to put myself in the line of fire. It wasn't anything our department had done, fortunately, or else I'm sure we would have heard plenty about it.

The thing that's truly weird, though, is now that I've decided to talk to him and tell him about our needs and the possible result of needing to move to PA, I am a lot happier. Maybe that has something to do with my having PMS for most of this week, too, but you never know. The sky looks a little bit brighter and I don't feel quite so trapped.

As a last attempt, I'm going to put some pressure on Michael to look for a job full-time for one week. If he can't find anything by then, I will consider the Waterbury area Officially Dried Up. Time to move.